Schenectady Rants

What can we say? Nothing.

 Be careful how you treat people on your way up. ’cause you’ll be passing them again on your way back down.

Idiot Spitzer. Client #9

In the dark of the night with the full moon’s glow
deep in the brush past the fast water flow
A slither, a swish then a rush of cold air
and tho’ we can’t see her, we know that she’s there

Schemin’ and skulkin’ about the pond scum
weaslin’ and mullin’ around with the crumb
a wheeler and dealer alone she does think
its her way or no way, and boy does that stink

Beware! she does shout to the sheep in the field
If you eat that grass there, your fate will be sealed!
I know what is good for you, she shouts with such glee
With a wink toward her left in shadows we see

The red eyes of doom to our sweet little flock,
as we go on just grazing, not hearing that knock
on the door to the right where our options are stored
Just grazing and chewing, our fates all ignored

She’s a devil for sure, she loves roasted lamb
She knows what she wants, for us not a damn
Her plans are for certain, her efforts for nought
Its for power and priviledge, is what she sought

Beware little sheep, beware of the she devil
She is here among us, and she’s evil

Our very own Star-Strock has come out with this TODAY! We know that Lyin’ Brian would be getting all wet and sweaty over McNutty’s retirement. And we knew he’d lie right through that election.

So maybe we won’t be wastin’ away in BrianStrattonVille for the next four years. Maybe it’ll be The City of McCarthyism, or the the Town of Blanch Field. In any case, we’ll still be wastin’ away, and like the good sheep we are, chewing on the weeds and grass in between the cracks of the sidewalks.

Wastin’ away again in BrianStrattonVille!

‘Twas the night before Elections, when all through the house
Not a Republican was stirring (thanks to Buchanan), not even a mouse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Mike Cuevas soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of more bars downtown danced in their heads;

And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down to work from home for another 6 hrs to pay my taxes,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the home office at 3am to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a Stratton supporter, planting a sign,
With a little old driver, waiting in the get away vehicle,

I knew in a moment it must be Brian Stratton.

More sneakily than eagles his cronies they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

“Now, Jordan! now, Ba-Ba! now, Eliot and Blanchard!
On, Allen! on Brucker! on, King and McCarthy!

To the end of the street, to the highest rooftops!
Now spend more! hire more! contribute all more all!”

And then, with an aching gut, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each SUV cylinder
as it left skidmarks on my newly taxed roof.

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around

When in a photo op, Stratton came with a bound.
He was driving his jeep, all gassed up with pride at taxpayer expense,

And his clothes were spotless, his hair perfectly still;

A bundle of new spending initiatives he had flung on our back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His hair — how perfect! his stutter so clear!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

Obviously he’d just come back from a fundraiser party.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know I’d be in for more taxes;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Creating 20 new patronage jobs he turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, refused to use lube;

He sprang to his Jeep, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew 250 horsepower on steroids.

But I heard him exclaim, here he drove out of sight,
“You suckers, you put me back in office again! You got what you deserved.
bwahahahah.”

On the first day of his administration, Stratton gave to me,
New Gar-bage Feess.

On the second day of his administration, Stratton gave to me,
Two Parking Tickets, and
more Gar-bage Feess.

On the third day of his administration, Stratton gave to me,
Three years of tax increases,
Two Parking Tickets and,
more Gar-bage Fees.

On the fourth day of his administration, Stratton gave to me,
Four years of blaming the previous administration,
Three years of tax increases,
Two Parking Tickets and,
more Gar-bage Fees.

On the fifth day of his administration, Stratton gave to me,
Five pan-handlers on every corner,
Four years of blaming the previous administration,
Three years of tax increases,
Two Parking Tickets and,
more Gar-bage Fees.

On the sixth day of his administration, Stratton gave to me,
Six excuses for every failed initiative,
Five pan-handlers on every corner,
Four years of blaming the previous administration,
Three years of tax increases,
Two Parking Tickets and,
more Gar-bage Fees.

On the seventh day of his administration, Stratton gave to me,
Seven cheerleaders at Metroplex,
Six excuses for every failed initiative,
Five pan-handlers on every corner,
Four years of blaming the previous administration,
Three years of tax increases,
Two Parking Tickets and,
more Gar-bage Fees.

On the eighth day of his administration, Stratton gave to me,
Eight more weeks till the end of your term,
Seven cheerleaders at Metroplex,
Six excuses for every failed initiative,
Five pan-handlers on every corner,
Four years of blaming the previous administration,
Three years of tax increases,
Two Parking Tickets and,
more Gar-bage Fees.

On the ninth day of his administration, Stratton gave to me,
Nine new potholes,
Eight more weeks till the end of your term,
Seven cheerleaders at Metroplex,
Six excuses for every failed initiative,
Five pan-handlers on every corner,
Four years of blaming the previous administration,
Three years of tax increases,
Two Parking Tickets and,
more Gar-bage Fees.

On the tenth day of his administration, Stratton gave to me,
Ten re-election appearances,
Nine new potholes,
Eight more weeks till the end of your term,
Seven cheerleaders at Metroplex,
Six excuses for every failed initiative,
Five pan-handlers on every corner,
Four years of blaming the previous administration,
Three years of tax increases,
Two Parking Tickets and,
more Gar-bage Fees.

On the eleventh day of his administration, Stratton gave to me,
Eleven new patronage jobs,
Ten re-election appearances,
Nine new potholes,
Eight more weeks till the end of your term,
Seven cheerleaders at Metroplex,
Six excuses for every failed initiative,
Five pan-handlers on every corner,
Four years of blaming the previous administration,
Three years of tax increases,
Two Parking Tickets and,
more Gar-bage Fees.

On the Twelvth day of his administration, Stratton gave to me,
Twelve new line items in the budget,
Eleven new patronage jobs,
Ten re-election appearances,
Nine new potholes,
Eight more weeks till the end of your term,
Seven cheerleaders at Metroplex,
Six excuses for every failed initiative,
Five pan-handlers on every corner,
Four years of blaming the previous administration,
Three years of tax increases,
Two Parking Tickets and,
more Gar-bage Fees.

Vote Mike Cuevas!

Dashing through downtown…
On a late December day,
Through the streets we go
Supporting Metroplex all the way…

Ching … Ching … Ching …

Bells on registers ring
Making taxpayers cringe,
Oh, what fun it is to find
a store open after daylight.

Ching … Ching … Ching …

Jingle Bells Jingle Bells
The kids all yell and scream
There’s a mugger around e’ry
corner, scaring them to tears.

Jingle Bells Jingle Bells
The merchants refused to donate
More and more partking meters,
Our customers wont pay these rates
they’re more and more irate…

Dad goes to work each day
Working out of town,
Can’t afford to work near home
The city’s so run down.

Mom drives the kids around
In an ancient Caravan
Gas prices are soaring high,
makes the parents shout!

Jingle Bells Jingle Bells
Jingle all the way
Our wish to you is that you have
A… Happy… Holi-dayyyyyyyyy.

Thank you for your 4 years of service to our City.  We realize during the past 4 years you’ve had to make some tough decisions like choosing the color of your new $19k Jeep (I notice you didn’t choose green), and deciding to spend $12,000 on color copiers that are still basically unused. You’ve learned a lot about our fair city that your father, the Honorable Sam Stratton didn’t pass on to you before his departure from this world (including the fact that there really are crime issues in the Brandywine corridor, parking in the correct direction on one way streets, etc). I’m sincerely glad he did pass on to you his longstanding resolutions on patronage jobs, increasing spending (while tossing the taxpayers a 1% bone at election time).

Over the years, you’ve supported our city like no other.

You’ve allowed wireless internet antennas inside the clock tower to provide free internet wireless access downtown (when it works). You’ve supported local stores (http://www.schenectadyny.info/cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1079706288/). You’ve mounted a horse riding to Albany (and let the Albany police take the reigns), you’ve protected goats from slaughter (but then allowed chickens to be slaughtered in the city - what DO you have against Chickens - and why do you favor goats so much?), you’ve held at least one booze reception in City Hall, you’ve provided patronage jobs to friends from outside the city (when there were capable / qualified / eligible city residents), you’ve complained that the cops were getting more money than you, then essentially voted yourself a raise (despite one poll that objected 90% to this raise) and you’ve corrected (?) your stuttering problem with the help of taxpayer/donor money.

We’ve seen parking rules created, enforced, dropped, created again -  was there ever a resolution on that?  You removed towing contracts from one city towing company, in favor of another that donated to a certain political fund.

You’ve established “funds” that are like no other in our city history, paying for parking tickets, medical “counseling”, luncheons in places other than the city (showing MORE support for the city).

Your administration is great at obtaining “grants” (http://www.schenectadyny.info/cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1126175872/) - “to fund a complete archival inventory of the materials at the city archives” - by the way, did that ever get done?

You had the courage and fortitude to criticize other municipalities snow removal after the City of Schenectady was a driving nightmare for several days following the Valentines day snowstorm. (76% of responders in a local poll said Schenectady’s snow clearing was bad or non-existent - maybe that’s why you need that Jeep).

We can’t forget however how Sharon Jordan (your puppet master) was linked (and may share some responsibility in) to the beating death of a pizza delivery man at one of the Schenectady Municipal Housing complexes.

You and your administration have managed to schedule city council meetings at 6pm, a very inconvenient time for most residents, and quite different from most other municipalities that schedule them at 7pm (much more convenient for people that want to be home with their families for dinner) - because it was more convenient for you.

You circumvented the constitutional tax limit by creating a garbage fee. I’m sure you’ve got your eyes set on increasing that in the near future too. You promised to fix potholes but instead managed to fix it so that city owned property for sale at auction could only be bid on by people you liked or that had donated to a “fund”.

2007’s tax / budget proposal brought us the first decline of your administration, a 1% decrease in the tax rate, going from $1,705 (for the average homeowner assessed at $80,000) to $1,688, a $17 reduction, but then you threw in the 8.1% increase in the water fund, a $16 increase. Our net savings? A dollar.  This years budget also brings us a new 1% savings, but the county rate goes up 4.8%.

On a more positive note, even Metroland has commented on your hairstyle and how you’d stand out in a crowd.

You seem to run a lot on your fathers coat tails. Every piece of campaign literature you put out features him prominently. While we appreciate your pride, can you not find enough of your own accomplishments (even with the Daily Gazette doing your bidding?) to campaign on your own merits, rather than those of your father?

Recently a position opened up in Washington, and while we can appreciate your commitment to this city (promising to serve your whole 4yr term if re-elected), we the residents of Schenectady have decided not to hold that over your head.  We’ve talked amongst ourselves and decide to relieve you of that verbal commitment and wish you luck pursuing your real dreams of following your fathers footsteps and returning to your friends in Washington DC.

Please, you must do what’s best for yourself (you always have)… as much as your 1% tax cuts and garbage tax will be missed, go, consider yourself a candidate and leave Schenectady in the capable hands of Mike Cuevas.  We’re confident that he can do the job and learn from your past (mistakes) and bring Schenectady forward for the next 4 years (at least).  We really appreciate your service to Schenectady, but realize for you it was only a stepping stone and you’ve got no real intention of staying anyway. After all, your father, God rest his soul, only stayed two years (1956-1958) also. Oh, and Mike Cuevas promised never to  “blame the previous administration” like you’ve done for the last 4 years.

As you leave, please be sure to accept our thanks for bringing in Superintendent Wayne Bennet - that should be the one thing you stressed most in your 18×24″ full color, 4 fold reelection piece that was delivered to my house Friday. I didn’t see one mention of that however..  curious. (By the way, nice promo piece - must have cost a fortune to print & mail, too bad it didn’t have more substance than glitz).

Please also remember your fathers longstanding history of patronage jobs.  Take with you on your “dream team” Sharon Jordan, John Paolino, Ray Gillen. Jordan, Blanchfield, Blanchard and the rest of your loyal City Council members (aka cronies). After all, you’ll need a transition team going to Washington.  You’ll be able to pull strings and get these people jobs with your new office. These people too will be missed, but somehow this city will recover (quickly) without their presence.

If you should happen to fail in your bid for Washington, well don’t get discouraged. There’ll be another spot open in 4/8/12/20 years for you to try again. Don’t feel under ANY obligation to return to Schenectady to “help” us further - let us fend for ourselves.

Sincerely,

A proud Schenectady resident.

We did our own changes, and removed the name to protect the innocent.

Ben Dover, Schenectadian

There’s a whole lot of dirt to be dug up in Schenectady. Sometimes it just ends up being old bones. But we just love Lyin’ Brian’s snear. That’s his usual face. Especially if any of the sheeple try to break ranks and get some brains.